


Operation: Parent Trap

by ShaiShinxter



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: College AU, F/M, M/M, klance, parent trap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 05:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17698709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaiShinxter/pseuds/ShaiShinxter
Summary: "I can't take it anymore."Pidge said, shutting the laptop perched atop her crossed legs none-to-gently. Hunk looked up then, more surprised to see her pushing the electronic aside, than by her outburst."We're parent-trapping these two idiots."Hunk blinked, skeptical, before responding, "I think they're gonna notice, Pidge. We don't exactly look alik-""No, Hunk." Pidge interrupted, pinching the bridge of her nose, skewing her glasses up into her hair. "I meant, we're going to set them up together."—College AU where Pidge, Hunk, and Allura are tired of Keith and Lance’s pining bullshit.





	Operation: Parent Trap

  
  


  
  
  


  
"I can't take it anymore."    
  
Pidge said, shutting the laptop perched atop her crossed legs none-to-gently. Hunk looked up then, more surprised to see her pushing the electronic aside, than by her outburst.    
  
"We're parent-trapping these two idiots."   
  
Hunk blinked, skeptical, before responding, "I think they're gonna notice, Pidge. We don't exactly look alik-"   
  
"No, Hunk." Pidge interrupted, pinching the bridge of her nose, skewing her glasses up into her hair. "I meant, we're going to set them up together."   
  
"So, we're parent trapping without the 'parent' part."    
  
"Right."   
  
"Wouldn't that just be trapping?"   
  
"Hunk..."   
  
Hunk just stared at his small friend before turning his attention to the two idiots in question. They were fighting again, as they often did, about nothing in particular Hunk was sure. Even if he hadn't been paying attention in the slightest. As soon as one of them started to raise their voice at the other, he had picked up the hand held device he'd been working on for the past week and tuned them out. At some point, the fight seemed to have turned into a stand off, because now both Keith and Lance were standing, facing each other, noses close enough that a piece of paper would barely fit in between them. Begrudgingly, Hunk tuned back in.    
  
"I know it's probably hard to hear with all that mullet hair in the way, but read my lips, you piece of shit." Lance huffed out a breath that flitted the hair hanging off of Keith's neck. "You. _Don't_. Fucking. Land. There." He was making those obnoxious expressions again that even had Hunk rolling his eyes. Keith, though, took the bait. Like he always did.    
  
"You're the one that's fucking doing it wrong! Don't think I didn't see you pick up that big ass pile of beads when I was talking to Shiro.  _ Cheater _ ." Keith shoved two fingers into Lance's chest, making him stumble back a bit before coming in even closer--if that was even possible--trying and failing to loom menacingly over their dark-haired friend.    
  
"I grew up in a big family Keith, I think I know how to play  _ Mancala _ !"   
  
"Well, I grew up in a home and all we  _ had _ were these trash tabletop games so I think I would kn-"   
  
Lance gasped so loudly it cut Keith off mid sentence. Keith looked simultaneously annoyed at the interruption and worried he'd said something wrong, until Lance took a step back, affronted, and opened his mouth again. " _ Excuse you _ ?" He'd said in horror, "Mancala is  _ not trash _ ."    
  
Keith gaped at the other boy, shocked, before sputtering and turning to Hunk with haste, "HUNK!"    
  
The boy jumped at his name, and beside him he felt more than he saw Pidge do the same. The sheer volume enough to jolt him into focus, rather than casually observing. Hunk opened his mouth to respond, but Keith was already talking. "Please do something about your... your...!" He gestured wildly at Lance and Lance had the audacity to look even more affronted. Keith sputtered on, "...your cockalorum friend here!"   
  
Pidge snorted as Lance let out a low groan, "Ohhh, we're making up words now, Keith?! Huh?!  _ Huh _ ?! Well, you're a...a dickalorum!"   
  
Pidge was shaking of laughter besides him now, and Hunk let his head fall into his hands, silently praying to whatever could hear him to just strike him down--make it quick and painless. End his growing misery.    
  
"Cockalorum is a real word, you moronic troglodyte. Pick up a dictionary one of these days. Or can you  _ not _ read?" He'd heard Keith say. He felt Pidge's tiny body lean into him, trying to catch her breath in between spouts of guffawing. Hunk thought she might be suffocating for a second.    
  
"I can read!" Lance screeched. Hunk winced. "You're a mumpsimpus! A mumpsimpus!"    
  
Hunk peaked through his fingers as Keith rolled his eyes, "It’s mumpsimus. And how so? Do you even know what that means?"   
  
"Of course, I know what that means! It means that I'm telling you the rules of this game and you're not  _ listening _ to me."    
  
"Oh my god, Lance, your  _ rules _ are  _ WRONG _ !"   
  
Sighing, Hunk tuned them out again and sank back into his hands. To Pidge, Hunk whispered, "I'm in. I'll do anything to get this to stop. What do I have to do?"   
  
Pidge sniffled, wiping her face of tears, "Thank God. I thought you'd never ask. Meet me in the morning. We'll go over the plan."   
  


  
  
  


::

  
  
  


  
Hunk handed Pidge their iced Chai latte and settled into the chair across from them. "How is this even going to work? They hate each other."  
  
Pidge stirred her drink,"There's a thin line between love and hate, my friend. Trust me on this."  
  
"I trust you on a lot of things, Pidge, but romance isn't one of them," Hunk scoffed, taking a sip of his hot chocolate--and then realizing how that might sound rude, quickly added,"No offense."  
  
"None taken. I wouldn't trust me on romance either if I were you. Matt is the one that was always into that cutesy shit. I had to sit through a painful amount of hours of rom/coms. Tamako Market, Fruits Basket... Ouran was cool. I'd totally be Kyouya." Pidge shook her head as if remembering her brothers antics from when they both lived at home together.  "His favorite Christmas movie is The Holiday, Hunk. The Holiday. They don't even celebrate Christmas in that movie. In fact, they have a Jewish dinner party. And he cries like a baby every time! Any way, this is just Pride and Prejudice 101."  
  
Hunk raised an eyebrow, "They got together on their own in that one."   
  
"But there was a push, Hunk. There's always a push. Besides, do you really want to sit here and wait for Keith and Lance to shut the fuck up on their own?"  
  
Hunk let out a sound of defeat, "God, no. I'll die before then."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"How do you know they're even attracted to each other?"  
  
"First of all, when Keith came back from summer break with his long lost mom, Lance called him "grizzled." Who calls people that? Like honestly, who even says that? What does that even mean?"  
  
Hunk shrugged,"Mountain Man-ish, I guess."  
  
"And then, when Keith and I were in Astronomics like, two weeks ago or something, Keith asked if Lance's eyes were fake because they were _too_ _blue_."  
  
Hunk gasped, "he didn't."  
  
"He did, Hunk. _Too_. _Blue_!"  
  
"But that would mean-"  
  
"That he's been staring into Lance's eyes? Yeah, I know. I didn't even know Lance's eyes _were_ blue until Keith mentioned it and we've been friends for how long?"  
  
"At least like 7 years, right?"  
  
"Something like that." Pidge waved her hand in the air flippantly, "so yeah, they're at least attracted."  
  
Hunk finished the rest of his hot chocolate thoughtfully. "Okay, but say they go out, right, the plan works? And then they realize they're not right for each other and they break up. They're going to fight even _more_. It'll be worse."  
  
"True... But speaking on a mathematical/probability stand point, I honestly don't think they will. I honestly think they're perfect for each other."  
  
"Go on..."  
  
"Look, whenever Lance is like really down, have you noticed that Keith is always the one person that can pick him back up? Like, remember when he got played by Nyma?" Without thinking or hesitation, both Hunk and Pidge lifted their hands in the air, middle fingers extended at the mention of the name and chanted, " _Middle fingers up, put them hands high. Wave it in his face, tell him, ‘Boy, bye’._ " Then, just as casually as it had started, set their hands down and continued their conversation, unphased, "He didn't even really want to talk to us, but-"  
  
"Did you guys just quote Beyonce?"  
  
Pidge looked up at Allura, who was sliding into the chair next to her. A hot cup of tea was in her hands.  
  
"What?" Pidge asked back, confused.  
  
"You guys just flipped each other off and chanted Beyonce lyrics, what do you mean 'what'?" Allura looked perplexed, while Pidge and Hunk looked to each other surprised.   
  
"We did?" Hunk put a finger to his chin, trying to recall.  
  
"You seriously don't remember? You just did it... Are you guys okay?"  
  
Pidge just shook her head exasperatingly, "No... I mean, yes, we're fine, but no, Lance makes us do that every time we mention a bad ex. I can't believe we did it without realizing. We can't escape it, Hunk. It's been engraved into our brains."  
  
Allura just chuckled softly, "so what did I miss?"  
  
Hunk blinked to Pidge in what he hoped was Morse code for _Does she know_? But seeing as he didn't know Morse code, it looked more like he was have some kind of seizure. Pidge just stared at him bemused until Allura spoke up again, "yes, Hunk. I know we're trying to set them up together. I think it's a great idea!"  
  
"We were just saying that when Nyma," Pidge and Hunk lifted their hands in unison again, preparing for their creepy lyrical chant, but Allura put her hand over Pidge's and implored, "Please don't."  
  
"Sorry... yeah, when _she_ and Lance broke up, we tried everything to get Lance to feel better but nothing worked. Keith was the only one that could do it." Pidge finished.  
  
Allura was nodding her head, "Oh yes, definitely. They don't know it yet, but they're obviously meant to be together. I've never seen so much sexual tension in my life."  
  
"But what if it's _just_ sexual tension?" Hunk worried.  
  
"Even so, sex is better than fighting every five minutes, don't you think?" Allura said, her hand out in front of her, palm up in an offering kind of way. Pidge nodded, but Hunk only groaned for the umpteenth time.   
  
"You guys say that now, but when their unbearable screams of frustration turns into unbearable screams of pleasure, I'm sure you'll be changing your minds."  
  
"That's a sacrifice I'm willing to take."  
  
"You don't live with me and Lance, Pidge."  
  
"Exactly."   
  
Hunk groaned again, not for the last time, and slumped over their cafe booths table. Both girls patted his back.   
  
"This is going to be great." They said together at the same time Hunk said, "this is going to be disastrous."  
  



End file.
